Children of Israel

At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question period. 

"Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's something I can't figure out." 

"What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt. 

"Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea. Right?" 

"Right." 

"And the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?" 

"Er--right." 

"And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?" 

"Again, you're right." 

"And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians, and the Children of Israel fought the Romans, and the Children of Israel were always doin' somethin' important. Right?" 

"All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So, what's your question?" 

"What I wanna know is this," demanded Joey. "What were all the grown-ups doin'"?

Boat Ride

A priest was taking a tour of biblical sites, when he came to a beach and saw a boat and a sign advertising,

"TAKE A BOAT RIDE TO THE EXACT PLACE WHERE JESUS WALKED ON WATER!!!" 

Inquiring about it, he learned that the ride there was free, so he went. 

After viewing it, he said to the captain of the boat, "Ok, I'm done, let's go back now." "That'll be $35 to go back." 

The priest, shocked by the charge, exclaims "Dang, no wonder Jesus got out and walked!!!"

Big Trouble

There were two brothers 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wits' end trying to control them. Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the boys. The father agreed.

The mother went to the priest and made her request.

He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone.

So the mother sent him to the priest.

The priest sat the boy down across from him at a huge impressive desk.

For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other.

Finally, the priest pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"

The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing.

Again, louder, the priest pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"

Again the boy looked all around but said nothing.

A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the priest leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked, "Where is God?"

The boy panicked and ran all the way home.

Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief.

He finally said, "We are in BIG trouble."

The older boy asked, "What do you mean, 'BIG trouble'?"

His brother replied, "God is missing and they think we did it!"

Bible Riddles...

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out A little prophet.

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
A. Ruth-less.

Q. Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
A. Nebuchadnezzar. He was on grass for seven years.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
A. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
A. Honda...because the apostles were all in one Accord.
A. 2 Cor. 48 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen Beetle: "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.

Q. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
A. In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

Q. What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?
A. They really raised Cain.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?
A. The thought had never entered his head before.

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.

Q. What is the first recorded case of constipation in the Bible?
A. It's in Kings, where it says that David sat on the Throne for forty years.

Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.

Bible Test...

If you know the Bible - even a little - you'll find this hilarious!

It comes from  elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old & New Testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by the children. they have not been retouched or corrected(i.e.incorrect spelling has been left in.)

1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of
    creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's  
   wife was called Joan of  Ark. Noah built an ark, which the    animals come on in pears.

3. Lot 's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by
    night.

4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.

5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray  by a Jezebel like Delilah.

6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

7. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea , where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients,

8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.  Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.

9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

10. the seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

11. Moses died before he ever reaches Canada . Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought  with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, the found Jesus in the manager.

17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by sweat alone.

20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.  

22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

23. One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony,  which is another name for marriage.

25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

Where Do Babies Come From?

One day a little boy asked his mother where babies came from. 

His mother just stood there speechless. 

The little boy said, " Grandma said that they came from heaven." 

The mother agreed and said, " Yes, of course that is where they come from." 

The little boy had a confused look on his face. 

The mother asked, " Honey, what's wrong? 

The little boy replied, " But daddy said they came from the other place."

I Love You Anyway

The fear of rejection may be one of the most basic fears of the human experience. Dr. Joe Harding tells a heart-warming story of a man who finally decided to ask his boss for a raise in salary. It was Friday. He told his wife that morning what he was about to do, All day the man felt nervous and apprehensive. Late in the afternoon he summoned the courage to approach his employer. To his delight, the boss agreed to a raise. 

The man arrived home to a beautiful table set with their best china. Candles were lighted. His wife had prepared a festive meal. Immediately he figured that someone from the office had tipped her off! 

Finding his wife in the kitchen, he told her the good news. They embraced and kissed, then sat down to a wonderful meal. Next to his plate the man found a beautiful lettered note. It read: "Congratulations, darling! I knew you'd get the raise! These things will tell you how much I love you."

While on his way to the kitchen to get dessert he noticed that a second card had fallen from her pocket. Picking it off the floor, he read: "Don't worry about not getting the raise! You deserve it anyway! These things will tell you how much I love you." 

Total acceptance! Total love. Her love for him was not contingent upon his success at work. In fact, just the opposite. If he were to fail there, if he were to be rejected by his boss he'd be all the more accepted at home. She stood behind him no matter what; softening the blows, healing the wounds, believing in him, loving him. We can be rejected by almost anyone if we're loved by one.

That's the way families can be with each other. And I like to think that's the way God is with us, too! "We love because he first loved us."

Dying Wish

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his doctor and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.

When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit, one on each side of his bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.

Both the doctor and the lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats.

Finally, the doctor said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?" The old preacher mustered up his strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves ... and that's how I want to go."

When I Say I'm A Christian...

When I say..."I am a Christian"
 I'm not shouting "I am saved"
 I'm whispering "I get lost!"
 "That is why I chose this way."
 
 When I say..."I am a Christian"
 I don't speak of this with pride.
 I'm confessing that I stumble
 and need someone to be my guide.
 
 When I say..."I am a Christian"
 I'm not trying to be strong.
 I'm professing that I'm weak
 and pray for strength to carry on.
 
 When I say..."I am a Christian"
 I'm not bragging of success.
 I'm admitting I have failed
 and cannot ever pay the debt.
 
 When I say..."I am a Christian"
 I'm not claiming to be perfect,
 my flaws are too visible
 but God believes I'm worth it.
 
 When I say..."I am a Christian"
 I still feel the sting of pain
 I have my share of heartaches
 which is why I seek His name.
 
 When I say..."I am a Christian"
 I do not wish to judge.
 I have no authority.
 I only know I'm loved.

By Carol Wimmer 

Spiritual Vitamins

Spiritual Vitamins A to Z
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anxious? Take Vitamin A.
All things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. (Rom 8:28)
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blue? Take Vitamin B.
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name. (Ps 103:1)
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crushed? Take Vitamin C.
Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you.  (1 Pet 5:7)
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Depressed? Take Vitamin D.
Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.  (Jas 4:8)
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Empty? Take Vitamin E.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise. Give thanks to him, bless his name. (Ps 100:4)
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fearful? Take Vitamin F.
Fear not, for I am with you, do not be afraid, for I am your God. (Isa 41:10)
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Greedy? Take Vitamin G.
Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put unto your lap; for the measure you give will be the measure you get back. (Lk 6:38)
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hesitant? Take Vitamin H.
How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of the messenger who announces peace, who brings good news, who announces salvation, who says to Zion, "Your God reigns." (Isa 52:7)
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Insecure? Take Vitamin I.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Phil 4:13)
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jittery? Take Vitamin J.
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. (Heb 13:8)
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Know nothing? Take Vitamin K.
Know this that the Lord is God, it is He that made us and not we ourselves. (Ps 100:3)
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lonely? Take Vitamin L.
Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age. (Mt 28:20)
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mortgaged? Take Vitamin M.
My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Cor 12:9)
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nervous? Take Vitamin N.
Never, no never will I leave you nor forsake you. (Heb 13:5)
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Overwhelmed? Take Vitamin O.
Overcome evil with good. (Rom 12:21)
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Perplexed or puzzled? Take Vitamin P.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid. (Jn 14:27)
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quitting? Take Vitamin Q.
Quit you like men and women, be strong. (1 Cor 16:13)
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Restless? Take Vitamin R.
Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him. (Ps 37:7)
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scared? Take Vitamin S.
Stay with me, and do not be afraid; for the one who seeks my life seeks your life; you will be safe with me. (1 Sam 22:23)
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tired? Take Vitamin T.
Those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. (Isa 40:31)
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Uncertain? Take Vitamin U.
Understand that I am (the Lord). Before me no god was formed, nor shall there be any after me. (Isa 43:10)
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vain? Take Vitamin V.
Vexed with unclean spirits: and they were healed every one. (Acts 5:16)
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wondering what to do? Take Vitamin W.
What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? (Mic 6:8)
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
eXhausted? Take Vitamin X.
Exercise thyself rather unto godliness.
(1 Tim 4:7)
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yearning for hope? Take Vitamin Y.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for you art with me; your rod and your staff-they comfort me. (Ps 23:4)
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Zapped? Take Vitamin Z.
Zealous for good deeds. (Titus 2:14)

   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Painting of The Last Supper

The story behind painting of the Last Supper is extremely interesting and instructive. Two incidents connected with this painting afford a most convincing lesson on the effects of thought in the life of a boy or girl, or of a man or woman. The Last Supper was painted by Leonardo Da Vinci, a noted Italian artist. The time engaged for its completion was seven years. 

The figures representing the twelve apostles and Christ himself were painted from living persons. The live model for the painting of the figure of Jesus was chosen first. When it was decided that DA Vinci would paint this great picture, hundreds and hundreds of young men were carefully viewed in an endeavor to find a face and personality of unaffected by sin. 

Finally, after weeks of laborious searching a young man, nineteen years of age, was selected as the model for the portrayal of Christ. For six months DA Vinci worked on the production of this leading character of the famous painting. 

During the next six years DA Vinci continued his labors on his sublime work of art. One by one, fitting persons were chosen to represent each of the eleven apostles, space being left for the painting of the figure representing Judas Iscariot as the final task of this masterpiece. 

This was the apostle, you remember, who betrayed his Lord for thirty pieces of silver with $16.95,in our present day currency. For weeks DA Vinci searched for a man with hard callous face, with a countenance marked by scars of avarice, deceit, who would betray his best friend.

After many discouraging experiences in searching for the type of person required to represent Judas, word came to DA Vinci that a man whose appearance fully met the requirements had been found. He was in a dungeon in Rome, sentenced to die for a life of crime and murder. DA Vinci made the trip to Rome at once, and this man was brought out from his imprisonment in the dungeon and led out into the light of the sun. 

There DA Vinci saw before him a dark, swarthy man, his long shaggy and unkempt hair sprawled over his face. A face which portrayed a character of viciousness and complete ruin. At last the painter had found the person he wanted to represent the character of Judas in his painting. 

By special permission from the king, this prisoner was carried to Milan where the fresco was being painted. For six months the prisoner sat before DA Vinci, at appointed hours each day, as the gifted artist diligently continued his task of transmitting to his painting this base character in the picture representing the traitor and betrayer of the Savior. 

As he finished his last stroke, he turned to the guards and said, "I have finished, you may take the prisoner away, he suddenly broke loose from their control and rushed up to DA Vinci, crying as he did so; "Oh, DA Vinci, look at me! Do you not know who I am?" DA Vinci, with the trained eyes of a great character student, carefully scrutinized the man upon whose face he had constantly gazed for six months and replied; "No, I have never seen you in my life until you were brought before me out of the dungeon in Rome." 

Then lifting his eyes toward heaven, the prisoner said, "O God, have I fallen so low?" Then turning his face to the painter he cried, "Leonardo DA Vinci, look at me again, for I am the same man you painted just seven years ago as the figure of Christ!" 

This is the true story of the painting of the Last Supper that teaches so strongly the lesson of the effects of right and wrong thinking of an individual. He was a young man whose character was so pure and unspoiled by the sins of the world, that he represented a countenance and innocence and beauty fit to be used for the painting of a representation of Christ.

But during the seven years, following a life of sin and crime, he was changed into a perfect picture of the most notorious character ever known in the history of the world.

Would You Recommend Abortion?

1. There's a preacher and wife who are very, very, poor. They already have 14 kids. Now she finds out she's pregnant with her 15th. They're living in tremendous poverty. Considering their poverty and the excessive world population, would you consider recommending abortion? 

2. The father is sick with sniffles, the mother has TB. They have 4 children. The 1st is blind, the 2nd is dead, the 3rd is deaf and the 4th has TB. She finds she's pregnant again. Given the extreme situation, would you consider recommending abortion?

3. A white man raped a 13 year old black girl and she got pregnant. If you were her parents, would you consider recommending abortion? 

4. A teenage girl is pregnant. She's not married Her fiancee is not the father of the baby, and he's very upset. Would you consider recommending abortion? 

_______________ANSWERS__________________

If you have answered "yes" in any of these situations: 

In the first case, you have just killed John Wesley. One of the great evangelists of the 19th century. 

In the second case, you have just killed Beethoven. 

In the third case, you have killed Ethel Waters, the great Black gospel singer. 

If you said yes to the fourth case, you have just declared The murder of Jesus.

Paradoxes

A paradox means a statement that seems self-contradictory but may be true. 

Here are some deep thoughts, which are as insightful, as they are scary.

"The Paradox of our time in history is that;

we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; 

wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; 

we spend more, but have less; 

we buy more, but enjoy it less. 

We have bigger houses and smaller families; 

more conveniences, but less time; 

we have more degrees, but less sense; 

more knowledge, but less judgment; 

more experts, but more problems; 

more medicine, but less wellness. 

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. 

We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. 

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; 

we've added years to life, not life to years. 

We've been all the way to the moon and back, 

but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor. 

We've conquered outer space, but not inner space; 

we've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; 

we've split the atom, but not our prejudice. 

We have higher incomes, but lower morals; 

we've become long on quantity, but short on quality. 

These are the times of tall men, and short character; 

steep profits, and shallow relationships. 

These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; 

more leisure, but less fun; 

more kinds of food, but less nutrition. 

These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; 

of fancier houses, but broken homes. 

It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; 

a time when technology can bring this letter to you, 

and a time when you can choose either to make a difference...or just hit delete." 

No Jacket Required....

I shook my head in disbelief. 

This couldn't be the right place. After all, I couldn't possibly be welcome here.

I had been given an invitation several times, by several different people, and had finally decided to see what this place was all about. 

But, this just couldn't be the right place. 

Quickly, I glanced down at the invitation that I clutched in my hand. I scanned past the words, "Come as you are. No jacket required." and found the location. 

Yes, I was at the right place.

I peered through the window again and saw a room of people whose faces seemed to glow with joy. All were neatly dressed, adorned in fine garments and appeared strangely clean as they dined at this exquisite restaurant.

Ashamed, I looked down at my own tattered and torn clothing, covered in stains. I was dirty, in fact, filthy. A foul smell seemed to consume me and I couldn't shake the grime that clung to my body.

As I turned around to leave, the words from the invitation seemed to leap out at me... ..

"Come as you are. No jacket required."

I decided to give it a shot. Mustering up every bit of courage I could find, I opened the door to this restaurant and walked up to a man standing behind a podium.

"Your name, sir?" he asked me with a smile.

I mumbled without looking up. I thrust my hands deep into my pockets, hoping to conceal their stains.

He didn't seem to notice the filth that I was covered in and he continued,

"Very good, sir. A table is reserved in your name. Would you like to be seated?"

I couldn't believe what I heard! A grin broke out on my face and I said, "Yes, of course!"

He lead me to a table and, sure enough, there was a placard with my name written on it in a deep, dark red. 

As I browsed over a menu, I saw many delightful items listed.

There were things like, "peace," "joy," "blessings," "confidence," "assurance," "hope," "love," "faith," and "mercy." I realized that this was no ordinary restaurant!

I flipped the menu back to the front in order to see where I was at... ... "God's Grace," was the name of this place!

The man returned and said, "I recommend the 'Special of the Day' With it, you are entitled to heaping portions of everything on this menu."

You've got to be kidding! I thought to myself. You mean, I can have ALL of this!

"What is the 'Special of the Day' I asked with excitement ringing in my voice.

"Salvation," was his reply.

"I'll take it," I practically cried out.

Then, as quickly as I made that statement, the joy left my body. A sick, painful ache jerked through my stomach and tears filled my eyes. Between my sobs I said...

"Mister, look at me. I'm dirty and nasty. I'm unclean and unworthy of such things. I'd love to have all of this, but, but, I just can't afford it."

Undaunted, the man smiled again. "Sir, your check has already been taken care of by that Gentleman over there," he said pointing to the front of the room. "His Name is Jesus "

Turning, I saw a man whose very presence seemed to light the room. He was almost too much to look at. I found myself walking towards Him and in a shaking voice I whispered, "Sir, I'll wash the dishes or sweep the floors or take out the trash. I'll do anything I can do to repay you for all of this."

He opened His arms and said with a smile, "Son, all of this is yours if you just come unto me. Ask me to clean you up and I will. Ask me to take away the stains and it is done. Ask me to to allow you to feast at my table and you will eat. Remember, the table is reserved in your name. All you must do is accept this gift that I offer you."

Astonished, I fell at his feet and said, "Please, Jesus. Please clean up my life. Please change me and sit me at your table and give me this new life."

Immediately, I heard the words, "It is finished." I looked down and white robes adorned my squeaky clean body. Something strange and wonderful had happened. I felt new, like a weight had been lifted and I found myself seated at His table.

"The 'Special of the Day' has been served," the Lord said to me. "Salvation is yours."

We sat and talked for a great while and I so enjoyed the time that I spent with Him. He told me, me of all people, that He would like to me to come back as often as I liked for another helping from God's Grace. He made it clear that He wanted me to spend as much time with Him as possible.

As it drew near time for me to go back outside into the "real world," He whispered to me softly, "And Lo, I am with you always."

And then, He said something to me that I will never forget. He said... "My child, do you see these empty tables throughout this room?" 

"Yes, Lord. I see them. What do they mean?" I replied.

"These are reserved tables...but the individuals whose names are on each placard have not accepted their invitations to dine. Would you be so kind as to hand out these invitations to those who have not joined us yet?" Jesus asked.

"Of course," I said with excitement as I picked up the invitations.

"Go ye therefore into all nations," He said as I turned to leave.

I walked into God's Grace dirty and hungry. Stained in sin. My righteousness as filthy rags. And Jesus cleaned me up. I walked out a brand new man...robed in white, His righteousness.

And so, I'll keep my promise to my Lord. I'll go. I'll spread the Word.

I'll share the Gospel... ...

I'll hand out the invitations.

And I'll start with you.

Have you been to God's Grace? There's a table reserved in your name, and here's your invitation...

"Come as you are. No jacket required." 

"For by grace are ye saved through faith: and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast." - Ephesians 2:8,9 

God's Message To Woman...

When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke them into being. When I created man, I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils. But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man because your nostrils are too delicate. I allowed a deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you. 

Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity. From one bone I fashioned you. I chose the bone that protects man's life. I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him, as you are meant to do. 

Around this one bone I shaped you. I modeled you. I created you perfectly and beautifully. Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile. You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life. The rib cage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart. 

Support man as the rib cage supports the body. You were not taken from his feet, to be under him, nor were you taken from his head, to be above him. You were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be held close to his side. You are my perfect angel. You are my beautiful little girl. You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence, and my eyes fill when I see the virtue in your heart. 

Your eyes -- don't change them. 

Your lips -- how lovely when they part in prayer. 

Your nose so perfect in form. 

Your hands so gentle to touch. 

I've caressed your face in your deepest sleep; 

I've held your heart close to mine. 

Of all that lives and breathes, you are the most like me.

Adam walked with me in the cool of the day and yet he was lonely. He could not see me or touch me. He could only feel me. So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with me, I fashioned in you: my holiness, my strength, my purity, my love, my protection and support. 

You are special because you are the extension of me. Man represents my image -- woman, my emotions. Together, you represent the totality of God. 

So man -- "treat woman well. Love her, respect her, for she is fragile". In hurting her, you hurt me. What you do to her, you do to me. In crushing her, you only damage your own heart, the heart of your Father and the heart of her Father. 

Woman, support man. In humility, show him the power of emotion I have given you. In gentle quietness show your strength. In love, show him that you are the rib that protects his inner self.

"It's impossible."  
All things are possible. (Lk. 18:27)   

"I'm too tired."  
I will give you rest. (Mt. 11:28-30)   

"Nobody really loves me."  
I love you. (Jn 3:16)   

"I can't go on."  
My grace is sufficient. (II Cor. 12:19)   

"I can't figure things out."  
I will direct your steps. (Prov. 20:24)   

"I can't do it."  
You can do all things in Christ. (Phil 4:13)  

"I'm not able."  
I am able. (II Cor. 9:8)   

"It's not worth it."  
It will be worth it. (Rom. 8:28)   

"I can't forgive myself."  
I forgive you. (I Jn. 1:9 & Rom. 8:1)   

"I can't manage."  
I will supply all your need. (Phil... 4:19)   

"I'm afraid."  
I have not given you a spirit of fear. (II Tim. 1:7)  

"I'm always worried and frustrated."  
Cast all your cares on Me. (I Pet. 5:7)   

"I don't have enough faith."  
I've given everyone a measure of faith. (Rom. 12:8)   

"I'm not smart enough."  
I give you wisdom. (I Cor. 1:30)   

"I feel all alone."  
I will never leave you or forsake you. (Heb. 13:5) 

God's Resume

To Whom It May Concern,  

I heard you were considering a new manager in your life. I would like to apply for the job. I believe I am the most qualified candidate. I am the only one that has ever done this job successfully. I was the first manager of human beings.                              
                               
In fact I made them, so naturally I know how humanity works, and what is best to get people back into proper working condition. It will be like having the manufacturer as your personal mechanic.                              
                               
If this is your first time considering me, I would just like to point out that my salary has already been paid by the blood of my son, Jesus on the cross of Calvary. What I need from you is the acknowledgement that the price is sufficient to pay for all of your sin and your independence from Me. I need you to believe this in your heart and to tell somebody else about your decision with your mouth.                              
                               
The next thing I ask is the right to change and fix your life so you can learn how to stay close to Me. I will make some major changes and revisions. They are not for you to worry about. I need your permission to execute these changes, My way and in My time. I will change your desires and give you the strength to make the changes. Please keep your hands out of the way. Don't try to help me and Don't resist me. I really do need your full commitment and cooperation. If you give me those, the process can go smoothly, without delays. 
  

Yours Sincerely,   

GOD                            

   

P.S. I created the heavens and the earth. I AM. BELOW IS MY RESUME...  

EXPERIENCE - From the beginning of time. Before the beginning of time.  From everlasting to everlasting. I made time. 

ABILITY - All Powerful    

PRIOR EMPLOYMENT - Created the universe, put the galaxies in place, formed man. Established heaven and earth by My spoken Word and am currently holding up the world by My power.                               
                               
EDUCATION AND TRAINING - I AM and I have all knowledge.  

CHARACTER REFERENCE - Love, light, and life (1 John 4:16, 1 John 1:5,  John 14:6). A representative, but by no means conclusive list of other character traits follows:                                                             

                              Wisdom - James 1:5 
                              Comfort - Corinthians 1:3 
                              Truth - John 8:32 
                              Healer - 1 Peter 2:24 
                              Strength - Phil. 4:13 
                              Forgiveness - 1 John 1:9 
                              Provider - Phil. 4:19 
                              Mercy - Ephesians 2:24 
                              Good - Matt. 19:17 
                              Peace - Romans 14:17  

AVAILABILITY - Willing and ready to take over your life. Able to put your life together again. Will bring all of who I AM into your life. Can start now. Will transform your life if you let Me.  

SALARY REQUIREMENT - Work in your life has already been paid for through the blood of My Son, Jesus. Your only responsibility is to commit initially and on a daily basis. To trust and obey what Jesus has done and wants to do in your life.                               
  
REFERENCES - References available upon request. 

Daring God...

Once there was a man who dared God to speak.

"Burn the bush like you did for Moses, God and I will follow.
Collapse the walls like you did for Joshua, God and I will fight.
Still the waves like you did on Galilee, God and I will listen."

And so the man went and sat by a bush, near a wall close to the sea and waited for God to speak.

And God heard the man , So God answered.
He sent fire, not for the bush, but for a church.
He brought down a wall, not of brick, but of sin.
He stilled a storm, not of the sea, but of a soul.

And God waited for the man to respond.
And he waited ...
And waited ...
And waited...

But because the man was looking at bushes, not hearts; bricks, not lives; seas and not souls, he decided that God had done nothing.

Finally he looked at God and asked, "Have you lost your power?"
And God looked at him and said, "Have you lost your hearing?"

Surviving With God's Grace

September 11, 2001 (Tuesday) -

For all victims of the terrorism tragedy in the United States of America.

* A testimony of God's hand of protection amidst tragedy *

by the Editors of Religion Today

Tuesday, Sept. 11, 2001, began like any other day for Bethel Assembly of God deacon and Sunday school superintendent Stanley Praimnath of Elmont, Long Island. He got up early, took a shower, prayed, got ready and headed for work. The drive was uneventful. The train ride was the same. Yet, this day he would see the hand of God spare his life.

"For some particular reason, I gave the Lord a little extra of myself that morning {during prayer}," Stanley said. "I said, 'Lord, cover me and all my loved ones under your precious blood.' And even though I said that and believed it, I said it over and over and over."

When Stanley arrived at World Trade Center Tower Two, he took the elevator up to his office on the 81st floor. "I work for the Fuji Bank Limited," he said. "I'm an assistant vice president in the loans operations department. The company is located on the 79th through 82nd floors."

Stanley greeted Delise, a woman who had arrived before him. After talking briefly, he headed over to his desk and picked up his phone to retrieve his messages.

"As I'm standing there retrieving my messages, I'm looking out at the next building, One World Trade, and I saw fire falling through from the roof," Stanley said. "Now, this entire building is surrounded by glass, and you can stand up and from there you can see all the buildings, planes and everything flying at the same altitude."

As Stanley saw "fire balls" coming down, his first reaction was to think of his boss who works in that building. He decided to try to call him to see if he was OK. "I'm dialing his number, and getting no response. So, I say to Delise, the temp, 'Go, go, go -- let's get out.'"

Delise and Stanley got on the elevator and went down to the 78th floor. Some other people were there. The company's president, the CEO, the human resources director and two other men joined the group and headed down to the concourse level of Two World Trade Center.

If they had continued on and exited the building, all of their lives would have been spared. As it was, that's not the way it happened.

"As soon as we reached the concourse level, the security guard stopped us and said, 'Where are you going?' Stanley explained about seeing the fire in Tower One. According to Stanley, the guard said, "Oh, that was just an accident. Two World Trade is secured. Go back to your office."

That turned out to be fatal advice -- aside from Stanley, Delise was the only one of that group to survive.

"We were joking, and I told {Human Resources Director} Brian Thompson, 'This is a good time to think of relocating this building -- it's not safe anymore.'" Stanley headed back to his office, but before he got there, he told Delise, that with the events of the day, she should go home and relax.

Thompson went to the 82nd floor, the president and CEO went to the 79th floor and Stanley got out on the 81st floor. When Stanley got to his office, his phone was ringing. "It was someone from Chicago calling to find out if I'm watching the news," he said. He told the caller everything "was fine."

But everything wasn't fine -- far from it. As Stanley was talking, he looked up and saw United Air Lines Flight 175 heading straight for him.

"All I can see is this big gray plane, with red letters on the wing and on the tail, bearing down on me," said Stanley. "But this thing is happening in slow motion. The plane appeared to be like 100 yards away, I said 'Lord, you take control, I can't help myself here.' "

Stanley then dove under his desk. "My Testament {Bible} was on top of my desk," explained Stanley. "I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the Lord was going to take care of me once I got there." As he curled into a fetal position under his desk, the plane tore into the side of the building and exploded.

Miraculously, Stanley was unhurt. However, he could see a flaming wing of the plane in the doorway of his department. He knew he needed to get out of his office and the building fast. But, he was trapped under debris up to his shoulders.

"Lord, you take control, this is your problem now," he recalled praying. "I don't know where I got this power from, but the good Lord, He gave me so much power and strength in my body that I was able to shake everything off. I felt like I was the strongest man alive."

All the while, Stanley was asking the Lord to spare his life. "I'm crying and I'm praying, 'Lord, I have things to do. I want to see my family, Lord, help me through.'"

Stanley's office resembled a battle zone -- walls flattened into dusty heaps, office equipment strewn violently, flames flickering about and rubble everywhere.

"Everything I'm trying to climb on {to get out} is collapsing and I'm going down," he said. "I'm getting cuts and bruises, but I'm saying, 'Lord, I have to go home to my loved ones, I have to make it, You have to help me.' "

Suddenly Stanley saw the light of a flashlight. For a moment, it stunned him. "What were the chances of someone bringing a flashlight to this floor?" he thought. "My first gut reaction was, 'This is my guardian angel -- my Lord sent somebody to save me!' "

Stanley began screaming, "I see the light, I see the light." But after clawing his way through the debris, he realized that he couldn't get out - all the exits were blocked and his "guardian angel" couldn't get to him--a wall was between him and the staircase. "He can't get to me and I can't get to him, and by this time I can't breathe," Stanley said. "I don't know if it was sulfur or what {burning jet fuel, perhaps}, but I can smell this thing. I got down on my knees and said, "Lord, you've got to help me. You've brought me this far, help me to get to the staircase."

But then Stanley did something surprising. While praying on his knees, he called out to the man behind the wall, "There's one thing I got to know, do you know Jesus?" The man replied he went to church every Sunday. Then they prayed together to enable them to break through the wall.

"I got up, and I felt as if a power came over me," said Stanley. "I felt goose bumps all over my body and I'm trembling, and I said to the wall, 'You're going to be no match for me and my Lord.' " Moments later, he punched his way through the wall and, with the help of the man on the other side, was able to squirm his way through the hole in the wall. "The guy held me and embraced me and he gave me a kiss and he said, 'From today, you're my brother for life.' "

But the danger wasn't over. The man on the other side of the wall, who introduced himself as Brian, was an older man and they still had 81 floors to walk down, with the building on fire and, unknown to them, in danger of collapse. "We hobbled our way down, and at every floor we stopped to see if anybody was there, but nobody was, except a man was on the floor, and his back was gone, and he was covered in blood."

Stanley asked to be allowed to carry the man out, but a security guard told him it would be better to send somebody up. When they finally made it down to the concourse, only firefighters were there. "They were saying, 'Run! Run! Run!', they were telling us to run out, but they were not concerned about themselves," he said.

Stanley and Brian would have run from the building, but now the concourse was surrounded with fire. Wetting themselves under the building's sprinkler system, they held hands and ran through the flames to safety at Trinity Church, about two blocks away. "I wanted to go to the church to thank God," Stanley explained, "As soon as I held onto the gate of that church, the building {World Trade Center Tower Two} collapsed."

Stanley and Brian made their way safely out of the danger area. Before they parted, Stanley gave his business card to Brian in hopes of contact at a later time, and said, "If I don't see you, I'll see you in heaven."

Cut and bloodied, with clothes tattered and wearing a borrowed shirt, Stanley finally made it home hours later to his wife, Jennifer, and his two girls, Stephanie, 8, and Caitlin, 4. "I held my wife and my two children and we cried," said Stanley. After thanking God for sparing his life, Stanley told God whatever he did, it will always be for His glory. "I'm so sore, but every waking moment, I say 'Lord, had you not been in control, I would not have made it.'

"For some divine reason, I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the good Lord's mighty hand turned the plane a fraction from where I was standing," said Stanley. "Because when it crash-landed, it was just 20 feet from me. I don't care who would rationalize -- what people would say now or years from now, but I know it was the handiwork of the Lord that turned that plane. My Lord Jesus is bigger than the Trade Center and His finger can push a plane aside!"

Emergency Numbers

When in sorrow, call John 14   

When men fail you, call Psalm 27   

If you want to be fruitful, call John 15    

                            

When you have sinned, call Psalm 51  

When you are in danger, call Psalm 91   

When you worry, call Matthew 6:19-34    

When God seems far away, call Psalm 139    

When your faith needs stirring, call Hebrews 11    

When you are lonely and fearful, call Psalm 23  
                                
When you grow bitter and critical, call 1 Cor. 13    

For Paul's secret to happiness, call Col. 3:12-17 

                                
When you feel down and out, call Romans 8:31-39   

 

When you leave home for labor or travel, call Psalm 121 

   

When your prayers grow narrow or selfish, call Psalm 67  

  

For a great invention/opportunity, call Isaiah 55  

  

When you want courage for a task, call Joshua 1   

 

How to get along with fellowmen, call Romans 12 
                            
When you think of investments/returns, call Mark 10 

    

If you are depressed, call Psalm 37   

 

If your pocketbook is empty, call Psalm 37 
                              
If you are losing confidence in people, call 1 Cor. 13     

If people seem unkind, call John 15   

 

If discouraged about your work, call Psalm 126  

  

If you find the world growing small, and yourself great, call Psalm 19  

Emergency numbers maybe dialed direct.  

No operator assistance is necessary.  

All lines are open to Heaven 24 Hours a Day!!! 

Feed Your Faith and Doubt will starve to death!! 
                                   
"When all else fails, read the bible!"

Blessings

One day a very wealthy father took his son to a very humble farm home. The father wanted the son to see and apreciate everything they have. For the son was never near poverty. 

The father decided to spent one day and one night with his son at this very humble home. On the next day after spending the night and returning to their beautiful mansion. The father wanted to hear his son's reaction towards the educating trip. 

Father: So son what do you think about the trip. Did you see how poor pleople live? 

Son: Yes father. 

Father: What do you think? What have you learn from this trip? 

Son: I have learn that they have four dogs and we only have one. I have learn that we have a small garden and they have an entire forest. I have learn that we have a small stream on our back yard and they have a full river that has no end. I have learn that our back yard goes to the end of our property and they have an entire horizon. I have learn that we have lamps on our back yard to keep us from the dark and they have the stars. 

The son continues his reply and said: Thank you father for showing me how poor we really are. 

We sometimes don't realize the blessings of our heavenly father. And that is why we need to be like kids in order to enter into heaven(Luke 18:17). Lets not worry about what we have or what we need, have faith in God and he will provide.(Luke 12:22)

Baseball

The Lord stood by to observe a baseball game. The Lord's team was playing Satan's team. The Lord's team was at bat, the score was tied zero to zero, and it was the bottom of the ninth inning with two outs.

They continued to watch as a batter stepped up to the plate whose name was Love. Love swung at the 1st pitch and hit a single, because Love never fails.

The next batter was named Faith, who also got a single because Faith works with Love.

The next batter up was named Godly Wisdom. Satan wound up and threw the first pitch. Godly Wisdom looked it over and let it pass. Ball one. Three more pitches and Godly Wisdom walked, because Godly Wisdom never swings at what Satan throws.

The bases are loaded. The Lord then turns to Bob and told him He was now going to bring in His star player. Up to bat stepped Grace. Bob said, "He sure doesn't look like much!" Satan's whole team relaxed when they saw Grace. Thinking he had won the game, Satan wound up and fired his first pitch. To the shock of everyone, Grace hit the ball harder than anyone had ever seen.

But Satan was not worried; his center fielder let very few get by. He went up for the ball, but it went right through his glove, hit him on the head and sent him crashing to the ground.

Then, it continued over the fence for a home run! The Lord's team won. The Lord then asked Bob if he knew why Love, Faith and Godly Wisdom could get on base but could not win the game. Bob answered that he did not know why.

The Lord explained, "If your love, faith and wisdom had won the game you would think you had done it by yourself. Love, faith and wisdom will get you on base, but only MY Grace can get you home. My Grace is the only thing Satan cannot steal."