Forgetful or Forgiving?

I'm no saint, not back then, not now and don't hold your breath thinking that I'd attain it anytime in the future, near or otherwise.

I used to be a very bitter and vengeful person. I could remember any slight and insult that was flung at me over the years. I have dished out my own brand of "justice" before on those who had wronged me of which I'm truly sorry that I did. I have to admit that it felt good thinking the reaction of the targeted victim when the see my "masterpiece". I'll leave that topic at that... Perhaps one day will see me having the guts to tell all...

Anyway, as time passed, I guess the hot blood of youth slowly ebbed away as I think that I have mellowed especially in the last 5-6 years. It was a gradual transformation but at times I was still taking offense at whatever injustice that I encountered, whether imagined or otherwise.

However, as I mellowed, I seem to be able to embrace the Lord's prayer more. I can't imagine that I recite it daily but am unable to have any sense of conviction in doing whatever it is that I pray for daily... Am I making sense so far?

Well, the part that bugs me more than most is; "forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sinned against us..." I was an unforgiving person before but now though flashes of anger still exists every once in a while, it will usually pass me by as quickly as it surfaced when I remember the Lord's prayers.

Only recently, I have started to offer prayers for those whom I dislike or whom have been difficult with me. I'd usually pray that they'll have a good night's sleep and rest as well as that their actions be guided by the Holy Spirit. Not much, I know but I think that trying my best is a whole lot better than not trying at all.

Anyway, I'm slowly lowering the numbers of those I hate and dislike. Probably as I believe now that their actions are justified in some way or another which caused them to act as such. I can never hope to understand fully how everyone think, so I believe that this is something that I can and should leave in God's hands to handle. Forgiveness? Yeah, I think I can handle that.

As such, let me share with you what is allegedly a true story involving Cardinal Jaime Sin of Philippines.

There was this woman who claimed to have visions of the Virgin Mary and she claims that she even talks to the Virgin. Cardinal Sin didn't pay much attention to her and usually pretends not to hear her. But one day she persistently kept on calling him on the phone, and after five unsuccessful calls, she went to his residence and asked for an audience.

Cardinal Sin thought that he'd better put an end to this foolishness and told her, "When you see the Virgin Mary again tonight, tell her to ask her son Jesus what my gravest sin was."

And so the woman left, happy that finally Cardinal Sin believes her. And Cardinal Sin was sure that now she'd stop telling him about her visions. But the next day she came back and asked to see the Cardinal again.

The Cardinal asked her, "Well, did you talk to the Virgin Mary last night?"

And she said, "Yes, but..."

"But what?" Cardinal Sin asked. "Did the Lady ask Jesus about my sin?"

"Yes, she did ask Him." was the reply.

"What did Jesus tell her then?"

The woman reluctantly answered, "She said Jesus said that He had forgotten."

I don't recall how the story ended, but I guess that is where the story should end.