A Reason To Say Sorry?

Another Friday night spent in the cold recesses of the office as it's my turn for the weekend watch this time round. We have a roster where we take turns to do the weekend watch where we spend the whole weekend, starting Friday evening and ending our shift 36 hours later on Sunday morning as the team do their monthly Preventive Maintenance exercise.

Thankfully, we only get this shift twice in a calendar year, so it's not all that bad. Of course, if sleep was what I wanted, then I probably won't get more than an hour or so at any stretch. Someone did make the effort to make me some spaghetti along with some soup to bring along for supper, so I guess it's all not too bad after all.

As I'm typing this, I am also chatting via the messenger service with my friend who had a tiff with his girlfriend that I mentioned a few days earlier. He's still at wit's end on how can he win her back. Knowing how badly affected he was by it all, I asked him a question which I implored him to think through before answering me with all honesty. I asked him if she was worth it? I'm led to ask this question as I once heard this quote which I shared with him;

"No one is worth the tears you shed, because if they are really worth it, they won't make you cry"

After a moment's thought, he asked me if I was familiar with two songs in particular. The first was a cover made popular by Westlife and the other by Hoobastank. The songs in question were Flying Without Wings and The Reason. Both were songs I heard in the past so I replied in the affirmative and asked him what the songs had to do with the subject at hand?

This was what he typed in his reply;

Everybody's looking for a something
One thing that makes it all complete
You'll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be

Some find it in the face of their children
Some find it in their lover's eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

Some find it sharing every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You'll find it in the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry

You'll find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much it means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

So, impossible as it may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
Cos who's to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete

Well, for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
In any given time or place

It's little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine
And it's like flying without wings
Cos you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings

And you're the place my life begins
And you'll be where it ends
I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy you bring
I'm flying without wings

He asked me to check out the part of the lyrics which he had in bold. For the initiated, that's the lyrics for the song Flying Without Wings. Before I was able to respond, he pasted the following;

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You
and the reason is You
and the reason is You
and the reason is You

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

He told me that this song was self explanatory... Knowing how much she meant to him and the extent of what he was willing to do for her, I had to agree.

I told him that the first and most difficult step was to apologize sincerely. He told me that he had planned his apology a while back and had so much to say. However, putting in down in words (as she was unwilling to meet him) was the most difficult thing to do. In fact, I was told that he had about 10 pages worth of notes on what to say.

He eventually pasted this for me to read. I thought that I should share it with everyone;

Hi XXXX

You know how hard is it for me to not use the word 'dear' to address you? It brought back so many memories. What I wouldn't give to hear you call me with that word again.

Before you crumple up this letter into a ball and slam dunk it into the trash can, please read it first. I have only one intention in writing this letter and that is to apologize to you. I know that I have screwed up our relationship by not being honest with you.

I won't make excuses for my actions as I was wrong. And for that I am sorry. I have done things I am not proud of and most of the times, I didn't regret any of those actions at all. But all that changed when I met you.

I actually found a reason to change for the better. I found a reason to change who I was before to be the person you'd want me to be. A person that you'd be proud of. A person that you'd love. And person you'd like to spend the rest of your life with.

I take full responsibility for my actions, past and present. I know that you've been hurt by my actions and for that, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to have let you down and to have hurt you. I do hope that one day I can say sorry in person to you...

I hope that you'd be able to give me another chance to come back into your life. As you know, your happiness is all that matters to me so I won't be expecting too much. Whatever decision you make, difficult as it may be, I'd understand...

I'm not bitter anymore, I think... Because I know what we had then was real. And should I see you in some distant and uncertain future, I'll smile and remember the good times we shared in that oh so brief time that we were together. Know that every time I said "I love you", I meant it from the bottom of my heart. I've loved you with all my heart and my soul...

Come what may, I hope that you'd look back at what we shared with fond memories and not think that it was all a waste of your time. I know that it will remain a cherished part of me forever...

Loving you always...

Well... I don't really know what to say when I read what he wrote... I thought that it was probably the best possible letter that he can write her... Simple and straight to the point, straight from the heart...